down.......

i dunno wht can i write..... i've been crying since morning till now... my eyes so painful... my heartache... i couldn't even control nv eat for the whole day.. feeling weak n headache.... i couldn't accept the fact he ald move off... ald forget me wht he left is just the memories n our son.... yet not me.... am i no longer impt to him anymore..... i tot i can't forget to i've been trying very hard to do like wht he say but just couldn't can dun force me.... today i wanna youtube like to all the song he use to ask me to listen eg 第一個清晨, 原谅我 even song he sing. i just couldn't control my tears...........i been accept other r/s tot i could replace him... yet i'm just lying to myself and hurting others.... ytd while he say all tht it seen like knife cutting my heart........it remind me bout wht i've done to him 3yrs back while i tot tht could be the better way out.. yet while i was saying all tht to hurt him i'm also hurting myself.... i saying though ugly word to hurt my love one... the man tht i wanna all along... the man tht we plan to marry.... the man tht i watching him sleep n i crying cos i scared to lose him.... yet i'm still the one who did it.... he should hate me de... i dun deserve him to continue wait for me.... he been wasting his time for me... i should be happy tht he ald move on.... but why i just couldn't accept feel it heartache in my heart feel like it going to turn my world upside down.... ytd night before i fall asleep i told damian "i'm sorry boy i can't keep yr dad wif us.... he will still love u... but no longer love mummy... he had move on le... sorry i never did my promise....." then i realise actually is me who created all this... he ever say in his blog... is me who ask for break up still got face to say still miss him... still got face when i steal his son... his smile, his laughter... who am i to do all this to him.....i'm sorry.....