New Look

This morning wake up.... tend to do something new to my hair style.... actually not very new cos i use to do tht before why i'm with him... is just long n short hair different.... colleauges mention i look fresh n petty thanks to them... dun look fat can le.... hoping i can be strong again.....

Life nv been easy for me since young, i always saw ppl who marry or couple... so xin fu... make me feel sad... why i turn out to be lidat... to bad i couldn't turn back times..... whether is my r/s wif him or even my past.... i think i deserve to be lidat.... cos i'm just bitich in ppl eyes out there...... i just hope can have a better life wif my boy.... poor boy got to suffer wif me.....

sometime looking at him make me feel he look like me.... i never have a gd life since i'm 5 onwards... hate my past... i muz make sure he enjoy his childhood dun end up like me.... while god nv be fair to me... hope he can be fair to my boy..... i nv ask to much, yet wht i ask for nv be mine........ sad.............

Trying......

Ytd i recieve his comment on my FB he really let go le... his feeling start to fade n gone..... i dun intend to force him..... cos it will not bring us to better future... it need 2 hand to work, i got to do wht i've to do.... i'll try to keep the love n feeling deep in my heart, i wouldn't n won bring it up to show others... how i miss him... how i love him.... how i can't live w/o him..... i got to be strong.... i ever did it.... for the past 3yrs.... should do it like wht i use to be... i need to stand up again... i cannot cos myself it tht state.... e is still wif me.... is just in my heart n not in real life..... for tht past 3yrs... i'm also doing tht when i'm down i'll think of him n damian... only them could keep me breathing.... "love a person dun have to keep him wif me..... i need to let him go... if he no longer belong to me..... i can only keep him deep in my heart.... i won noe wht will happen in future, but i noe i just wanna to be like wht i'm..... just damian n me... n no one else...... i couldn't tk another blow.... i'm really tired n sick of r/s... i couldn't bring myself to fall wif others again... somehow i lost myself.... i'm not wht i'm anymore...... if i dun settle my tot... i'll still compare others wif him..... n i noe i shouldn't...... so i rather choose to be alone... it might be hard... but tht's my path since i choose wht i wanna 3yrs back i shouldn't blame anyone... shouldn't show tht i'm weak......

down.......

i dunno wht can i write..... i've been crying since morning till now... my eyes so painful... my heartache... i couldn't even control nv eat for the whole day.. feeling weak n headache.... i couldn't accept the fact he ald move off... ald forget me wht he left is just the memories n our son.... yet not me.... am i no longer impt to him anymore..... i tot i can't forget to i've been trying very hard to do like wht he say but just couldn't can dun force me.... today i wanna youtube like to all the song he use to ask me to listen eg 第一個清晨, 原谅我 even song he sing. i just couldn't control my tears...........i been accept other r/s tot i could replace him... yet i'm just lying to myself and hurting others.... ytd while he say all tht it seen like knife cutting my heart........it remind me bout wht i've done to him 3yrs back while i tot tht could be the better way out.. yet while i was saying all tht to hurt him i'm also hurting myself.... i saying though ugly word to hurt my love one... the man tht i wanna all along... the man tht we plan to marry.... the man tht i watching him sleep n i crying cos i scared to lose him.... yet i'm still the one who did it.... he should hate me de... i dun deserve him to continue wait for me.... he been wasting his time for me... i should be happy tht he ald move on.... but why i just couldn't accept feel it heartache in my heart feel like it going to turn my world upside down.... ytd night before i fall asleep i told damian "i'm sorry boy i can't keep yr dad wif us.... he will still love u... but no longer love mummy... he had move on le... sorry i never did my promise....." then i realise actually is me who created all this... he ever say in his blog... is me who ask for break up still got face to say still miss him... still got face when i steal his son... his smile, his laughter... who am i to do all this to him.....i'm sorry.....

Firendship

Firendship = Words that always for far from me... i dun really have frenzs..... i dunno wht i've done wrong in my life..... even i treat them good but somehow i can feel their not what i think they are. maybei dun even have frenz in my circle or world just me n my son ba... i felt that no one understand me, felt tht no ppl bother either. feel so sad while i see others got alot of frenz to meet up... alot of frenz to chat wif. while as for me.... i dun think i've cos ppl around me will just hurt me.....

New Blog

19th Aug'09 it been quite sometime i didn post my blog, as i'm not good in words n i also dunno wht should i write. In my past is all a mess while now also dun seen to be great.... lucky i got my son to keep me strong.... i guess w/o him i won be wht i'm now.... Thanks god for creating him in my life.